just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize