Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
