I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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