dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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