So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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