my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize