lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
