This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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