would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
