I should be sponsored by Trojan
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
