he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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