dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she smelled like a LAN party
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
