I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
