i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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