Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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