Just fell off a train. Bad.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
