he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
