can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
