yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize