Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
