Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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