my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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