Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize