Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
