I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize