i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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