I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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