the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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