this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
why does every cop we meet know your name?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
