i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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