I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You need a sexual gate keeper
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
