watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
