no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
