your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
