This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
