all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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