he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
