I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
