Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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