i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
