this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
