I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
