just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
