we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
