I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
