ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize