dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
