: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
