I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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