and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
