The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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