Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize