if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
