Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
