Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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