PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
