Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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