it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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