i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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