you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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