I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
