Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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