Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
