im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
