im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize