My nipple is on Facebook.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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