Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
