And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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