we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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