she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's blow job season.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dear god my vagina.
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