I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
