everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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