it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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